Too Late?
by Deenalynn
Summary: What happened to Josh after Arctic Radar?


This is an Arctic Radar post ep and therefore contains spoilers for the episode.  
  
Too Late?   
By Deenalynn  
  
"Hey," CJ said softly as she entered Josh's office. "What are you doing here so late?" She looked around. "And in the dark?"  
  
"Working." Was all Josh said in reply.  
  
"Joshua, it's pitch black in here." She flipped on the desk lamp and got a good look at him. "What the hell is going on, Josh?"  
  
Josh sighed, he *really* didn't feel like talking right now. "I'm fine. Nothing's going on."  
  
CJ quirked an eyebrow. "Bull. You're sitting here in the dark staring out at the lawn." She watched the various expressions that ran across his face. Ranging from anger to impatience and finally seeming to settle on sadness. "Talk to me, Joshua."  
  
Josh took a deep breath it was obvious CJ wasn't going anywhere and maybe it would help to talk about it. "Have you ever been in love, CJ?"  
  
"What?" she blurted, startled.   
  
He still didn't turn to look at her. He played with the ends of his loosened tie. "Have you ever been in love?"  
  
"Yeah, I have." She smiled softly. "Once, a very long time ago. Why?"  
  
"Just curious." Trying to decide how best to broach this was not easy. "What's it feel like?"  
  
CJ's eyes widened. "What's it- , I don't know. It feels like love." She moved around his desk so she could see him better. "Josh, really, what's wrong?"  
  
He shrugged. "I don't- " he stopped. Then raised his eyes to meet her's for the first time. "Has Donna mentioned Commander Reese to you?"  
  
CJ's eyebrows shot up her forehead; things were beginning to make sense. "She mentioned she was having drinks with him when I spoke to her earlier."  
  
"Yeah, I set that up," he muttered, calling himself ten kinds of fool.  
  
"You did?"  
  
He nodded. "Yeah, she asked me to feel him out, see if he might be interested." His voice grew soft. "She says she really likes him."  
  
"So you helped her get a date with a man she was interested in?" CJ clarified.  
  
"Yeah." This really wasn't going the way he wanted it to.  
  
"Okay."  
  
He turned around to face her completely. "He seems like a good guy."  
  
"I'm sure he is."  
  
"I told him a couple of things about her. I thought they were good stories, they're some of my favourite Donna stories." He smiled sadly. "She was furious when she found out what I told him."  
  
"What exactly did you tell him, Josh?"  
  
"The one about the candle, and the letter to Nastase."  
  
"You didn't!" CJ closed her eyes and shook her head. "Josh. . ."  
  
"What?" This was the second time someone had given him hell for telling his favourite stories. "What is so terrible about those stories? That's Donna. Those stories would make me like her."  
  
CJ stopped surprised. "Did you tell her that?" she asked.   
  
Josh swallowed hard. "Yeah."  
  
"And what did she say?" CJ coaxed.  
  
"She basically said it didn't matter if I liked the stories because I like everyone." Josh said bitterly.   
  
"Oh."  
  
"Oh? What the hell does *Oh* mean?"  
  
"Oh means Oh. I'm just surprised I guess. I would have thought Donna would have--," CJ hesitated. "I don't know, said something else?" she finished lamely.  
  
Josh's bitter smirk faded, replaced once again by the small sad smile. "She was too busy rushing out to get ready for her date to come up with something truly witty." He lapsed into silence once more, wondering how he could have missed this before. How could he not have known.  
  
"Josh?" CJ spoke softly. "Did Donna say something to make you angry?"  
  
"No, she didn't say anything." His voice got impossibly soft. "She just left."  
  
CJ was taken aback by the sorrow she could hear in his voice. "She's not running away with him, Josh. It's just drinks."  
  
"Yeah, I know." He hesitated for a moment. "I've never been in love."  
  
CJ was once again thrown slightly by the sudden topic switch. "No? Never?"  
  
He shook his head. "Never. There have been women in my life I've been very fond of. And other's, like you, I love as friends. But I've never fallen in love." Josh returned his attention to the window. "Until now." He voice dropped even further. "I think I'm in love with her CJ."  
  
This time CJ was so flat out shocked, she couldn't seem to find her tongue to speak. Not so much at what he was saying, but the fact that he was saying it.  
  
When he received no reply, Josh turned to face her. "You going to say anything?"  
  
"I don't know quite where to start," she answered honestly. "Are you okay?"  
  
He shrugged. "I will be. Right now it's all I can do not to go running out of here like a madman at the thought that she's out there with another man. But, other than that. . . "  
  
"Well, it's after two, so I'm sure their date is over by now," CJ offered helpfully.  
  
Josh squeezed his eyed tightly shut, trying to block out the thought that she might still be with the other man and what they could be doing at two o'clock in the morning. He reopened his eyes to look into CJ's worried ones. "You should go home, CJ. I'll be fine."  
  
"Maybe if you tell her how you feel. . . "  
  
"She said that whether I liked her or not didn't matter, CJ. I don't think she wants to hear that I'm in love with her." He could feel the pressure building in his throat, he really needed to get her out of there. "You go, get some sleep."  
  
"Why don't you let me drive you home?" she offered, getting to her feet.  
  
"Nah, I'm fine here."  
  
"You can't stay here all night, Josh."  
  
"I'll get some work done. It'll take my mind off things." He tried again, the squeezing sensation growing in his chest.  
  
"I don't want to leave you here alone."  
  
"I have to deal with it, CJ. This guy may end up being important to her. I'll have to live with that. She should be happy. If he's that guy then. . . " He trailed off, his throat tightening too much to complete the thought.  
  
CJ knew there really was nothing she could do. He needed to work this out in his head before he could talk any more about it. "Fine, I'll go, but I want you to promise me you'll call if you need anything. Even if it's just to talk some more." She had to tilt her head to catch his eye. "Promise."  
  
"I will. Now go home." She headed for the door. "Happy thanksgiving, CJ," he said quietly.  
  
"You too my friend." She watched him flip of the light and turn back to the window. "You too."  
  
The End  
  
  
  
Thank you too Joy and Sharon for their quick and indispensable help in making this presentable. 


End file.
